Parent Tips for Children's Internet and Cell Phone Safety

One of the most talked about issues both in and out of my counseling practice has to do with technology and our children. Parents, wanting to make sure that their children are "up to speed" with the latest and greatest technology, are providing access to cell phones and the internet at alarmingly young ages. Children as young as six feel it is their "right" to these privileges! Parents ask all the time how to supervise the internet, how to enforce basic rules around cell phone use, and whether or not they are doing their child a DISSERVICE when they DO NOT succomb to adult and child peer pressure and either restrict or monitor their children and technology. I have seen children as young as 7 with facebook accounts - and many of their parents have no idea that they have set them up!

With that in mind, I have developed Parent Tips for Internet and Cell Phone Safety for Children. It's important to note that every family needs to establish their own guidelines and rules, and each child's behavioral, emotional, and social maturity needs to be considered when setting up the rules.

PARENT TIPS FOR INTERNET AND CELL PHONE SAFETY FOR CHILDREN

Having access to the Internet and using a cell phone is a privilege. Parents need to provide proper guidance and supervision to promote safety. What is sent to one person or uploaded on the Internet enters a PUBLIC arena. Children need to understand the lack of privacy that is potentially at risk when children misuse the technology.

How public is it? The following are examples of how easily information is passed to an entire network: a picture sent through cell phones to everyone on their contact list, an email sent out to a buddy list, an IM conversation copied and pasted into email and sent out to an address book list.

It is a parent’s obligation to help children understand the safe use and risks of this technology through discussion, supervision, setting appropriate limits, awarding privileges for appropriate technology use, and providing consequences for inappropriate technology use. Don’t look for ways to punish your child; use supervision and monitoring as means for communication about what’s appropriate and what’s not, and reinforce appropriate use and parental access with privileges.

Trust and supervision go hand in hand. A child will make you feel guilty about supervision – telling you if you are monitoring their behaviors, you must not trust them. Teach them that trust is earned when repeated checks result in observation of appropriate behavior, and trust is maintained when less frequent checks continue to result in observation of appropriate behavior. Likewise, observing inappropriate behavior results in decreased trust, increased supervision, and will result in limits to privileges.

It is crucial to establish rules around cell phone use. For example, set times for phone to be turned off for the night, make sure the phone is turned off at bedtime, and, if necessary, your child might need to give the phone over to you before sleep. In addition, limit cell phone use during homework, mealtimes, and family time. Phones can be placed on the counter, for example, before meals. Children should not even CHECK the nature of a text message during family time. Teach them that it can wait until later. If an adult needs to be accessible by phone for urgent work issues, he can check his texts or calls during family time, but work to model the message that family time is the priority!

It is important also to set limits around texting. Texting to opposite sex under age of 16 needs to be limited and monitored. A guide to this can be that once 1-2 texts each (back and forth) is established, child needs to call to have a voice conversation with the person of the opposite sex. Many children inappropriately send text messages or sexual pictures (sexting) because the impact of what they are doing doesn't feel real. Look in the local papers and you will read about situations where a child under the age of 17 sent a sexual text to a person over 17 and the older person was arrested and charged with child pornography. Many parents are setting a minimum age for co-ed texting, or at least monitoring the language and content of what is texted, especially when children are under the age of 17.

Because of technology, parents need to continue to speak with parents regarding plans and to insure parties are supervised. Children are relying LESS on parents to make plans, and detour around parental authority for arrangements. Children are making plans via cell phone, and they believe parents don’t need to contact each other. Children actually feel it will embarrass them!

In addition, parents are no longer picking children up by going to door (they are calling child’s cell phone). Parent to parent contact is CRUCIAL in helping you feel you are not alone in parenting!

Internet use must be monitored as well. Under age 14, children’s passwords should be known to parents. Over age 14, parents need assess if they need to know passwords, which depends on the maturity and behavior of the child. This might change as your teen moves through high school, and the privilege of a private password CAN be revoked if the child's behavior warrants. Parents have the right to access their children’s email and internet sites to monitor activity. If access is denied by child, the child loses internet privileges. If inappropriate use is noted, the child loses internet privileges. Making good choices results in continued, appropriate use!

It is most important that children know you CAN check these sites – children who know their parents CAN monitor their use are more likely to make responsible choices. Check periodically, and increase monitoring if at risk behavior is noted.

Specifically, facebook is intended for High School age children and older. It is not appropriate for a child under age 14 (junior high or younger) to access facebook, although many children are accessing this site. If you feel the need to indulge your child with this at such a young age, it is imperative that you supervise the use often! In addition, parents shouldn’t need to “friend” their child – you have access to monitor, and they need to self-monitor. However, if you choose to have children as friends, set a good example and do not expose those children to adult content. When your child does have a facebook account (high school), browse through child’s site WITH your child periodically. This is not the time for you to grab the details of their lives. Instead, use it to open discussion about what's appropriate and how what is being put out into the virtual world can have a longlasting impact on their lives.

Remember, these are guidelines, not firm rules. In your individual homes, examine how you negotiate the privileges that come with technology and how you supervise those privileges. Make sure you consider the individual child when setting your own guidelines. Please share your thoughts, concerns, and successes here as well!